Moments with Me

...for now, I am FEAR. I’ve been consumed by fear. Fear has become me. Fear attached to everyone and everything that became a part of me, came close with me. I didn’t realise the extent to which fear preoccupied my everyday life thoughts and general experience…showing itself through constant, continuous inner and physical stress, anxiety, nervousness and tension. Until I stepped back and ask myself: who am I within and as the word FEAR? I feared losing money. I feared having nothing. I feared losing my pups. I feared losing where I live. I feared losing everyone I lived with / walked a path with. I feared losing my partner. I feared losing everyone I met in my life…I feared dying sooner than I felt I needed to, I feared leaving this world before I had the chance / opportunity to do and say everything I felt I had to, I needed to. So much fear, all the time, coming up in random moments in my everyday life. Seemingly dispersed in random moments throughout my day, t...

A Moment with a Thorn (continued) This video is a continuation and expansion of my previous post: A Moment with a Thorn   Sometimes we learn about ourselves, relationships and life itself through simple realisations and insights – supporting us in our journey / process of self change. Though, there are the moments where we learn the hard way…lessons about ourselves, relationships and life that we do sometimes need to learn and realise in a way that gives us a proper wake up call so as to ensure we get it, we got it, we see it through and we change.

A Lesson with Nature: Moving with Awareness vs Memory Movement This video is based on the post below: Nature, me, music, pups keeping me company together with Kim Amourette...made for a great morning as everyone on the farm put in a couple of hours to tend to various farm projects and general upkeep. Fascinating also to observe the insect life while I was digging out the old compost around the immediate surrounding areas of the trees to prepare for new fresh compost to be placed...even had me a couple of good (meaning painful!!!) bites from some red ants. Taking me back to childhood memories of being unaware and sitting on a red ants nest lol Reminding me of practical awareness: to move slow, gently removing the old compost in such a way that I give myself and the insects the necessary space and time to move while for a moment having to disturb their habitat with the changes from the old compost to the new. I got bitten by some red ants because I was moving too fast while c...

When is enough, enough? One thing in most of my life has been a constant: creating consequence. There was always an imbalance in this relationship between consequence, LEARNING from miss-takes and actually CHANGING within myself. I own up to the fact that even still, to this day, I make miss-takes and it does sometimes take me longer to fundamentally change what is needed. I ‘know’ within myself I have the ability and capacity to implement this transfer from problem to solution, from consequence to learning to changing much FASTER…yet have still accepted and allowed myself to substantiate ‘problems and consequence’ more within myself. Not realising that, I will face resistance to substantiate / focus more on solutions, on the process of learning and actually changing. Why Resistance? With change comes Resistance – especially change from ‘bad to good’ for some reason. Meaning, I oftentimes ask myself: why is it sooooooooooooooooo EASY to participate in emotions, to create con...

Forgive and Forget When I was young, I took the words “forgive and forget” literally – where I actually tried to forget, completely erase a memory from within myself lol until I started understanding how memories in the mind and my relationship to them works. When I understood this, I finally understood the power I have when it comes to my relationship with myself, my memories and so experiences with others in my life. In this video – I share my process with the words “forgive and forget” and how the words have come to support me in changing myself and my relationship with others. 

The Simplest Moment making the Biggest Difference The following video is based on this previous video  

 How a Potential Moment of Distraction became a Moment of Inspiration   On my index finger I hereby give to you a little Praying Mantis! I was doing my nails outside by the porch on a warm SA evening (even with thunder and lightning rumbling in the background!) - when this little one jumped onto my hand just as I was about to start and kept me company throughout the process of tending to my nails. Walking on my hands, fingers, face, hair and clothes lol So, throughout the process I was constantly aware of it, carefully moving my hands, fingers an d body in consideration of where it was because of being so small. This made me look at how so many of us tend to do certain things in a specific way/routine that requires attention and focus. Whenever something/someone distracts us from it (or rather we perceive them to be a distraction due to us reacting to them)...we tend to react emotionally and push them away so that we can return to our space/moment of focu...

From Challenges to Breakthroughs - the Process of Self Change From clapping hands, to high-fives, to blowing kisses…now learning to do the fist bump with the word “boom” afterwards lol This little dude is learning so fast in this phase of his developmental process. What’s been standing out for me in his process of learning is how much and how fast he processes information. Sometimes he gets it immediately, especially when it’s something he hasn’t done before like the fist bump. Other times he takes some time, for instance: we tried show ing him how to eat spaghetti by holding the string with your lips and sucking it in – but he’d already become accustomed to using both hands and instead stuffing it in his mouth and has stuck to that…for the moment lol In observing his process I looked at process in general in terms of the extent to which we ingrained patterns of thinking, reacting and behaving - that it takes time to change them as they’ve become so much part of ...

No Matter W-HERE I Am - I am HERE Woke up to this moment early this morning on the farm and reminded me of when I came from a ‘city girl life’ to a ‘farm girl life’. Initially was quite the adjustment, everything about your lifestyle changes – especially when it comes to tending to and caring for the animals and the farm in general. For those who will ever face such a transition in life – either from the city to a farm or vice versa: Transition, as with any process of change – takes time. Give yourself the space and time to adapt and make a decision within yourself to resource from your surrounding environment that which will support you to make it your home. It may not always be what you want / like and may be a challenging experience depending on your relocation, but hold to the things that supports you to connect with the new place / space in a way where you can ground yourself / root yourself in your new location. In this focusing on you creating yourself / you...

A Moment of Focus Today I looked at the word FOCUS, reminding me of this photo. Stout, intently focusing himself on something is not only seen in his eyes, but his total presence coming through in the photo. Focus on yourself, priorities and responsibilities is something you can slowly lose as your focus shifts into thoughts and emotions in the Mind...entertaining fears in the Mind over time can do this especially well. I've realised one cannot be as focused and so disciplined to one's utmost potential, while having an effective balance between play and work...as long as one is in a constant emotional state that starts taking over and taking precedence over self and ones everyday life experience. So, when you start noticing things slacking or being postponed in your life...get that focus and balance back by taking responsibility for what's going on inside yourself before it takes over you and your life. I have personally walked through such a pro...