Moments with Me

...for now, I am FEAR. I’ve been consumed by fear. Fear has become me. Fear attached to everyone and everything that became a part of me, came close with me. I didn’t realise the extent to which fear preoccupied my everyday life thoughts and general experience…showing itself through constant, continuous inner and physical stress, anxiety, nervousness and tension. Until I stepped back and ask myself: who am I within and as the word FEAR? I feared losing money. I feared having nothing. I feared losing my pups. I feared losing where I live. I feared losing everyone I lived with / walked a path with. I feared losing my partner. I feared losing everyone I met in my life…I feared dying sooner than I felt I needed to, I feared leaving this world before I had the chance / opportunity to do and say everything I felt I had to, I needed to. So much fear, all the time, coming up in random moments in my everyday life. Seemingly dispersed in random moments throughout my day, t...

A Moment with a Thorn (continued) This video is a continuation and expansion of my previous post: A Moment with a Thorn   Sometimes we learn about ourselves, relationships and life itself through simple realisations and insights – supporting us in our journey / process of self change. Though, there are the moments where we learn the hard way…lessons about ourselves, relationships and life that we do sometimes need to learn and realise in a way that gives us a proper wake up call so as to ensure we get it, we got it, we see it through and we change.

Remaining consistent through the Ups and Downs Sometimes I've faced days where my general mood / experience goes through ups and downs. Other times my body goes through pains / discomforts (such as for example during periods / body not agreeing with food leading to nausea and diarrhoea / the flu starting to rear its head) leading to a physical experience of ups and downs during a day. Yes, we all go through ‘general’ ups and downs when it comes to your inner experience and physical experience during a day – but not to the extent where it influences / affects your daily responsibilities / priorities. Sometimes, it does occur that your inner / physical experiences affects your daily responsibilities and priorities; but most are in such a state of survival and dependency on work and money: there is no ‘space and time’ to ‘indulge’ in the inner and physical experience and so push through ‘em no matter what. Only giving yourself the time and space ‘allowed’ over weekends or...

Time cycles, Emotion and Me Ever been in an experience where you ‘wake up’ inside yourself realising you have been caught up in a negative spin in your thoughts and emotions, accepting and allowing the worry and stress of everything going wrong inside yourself and your life getting too much to handle…but more specifically realising you have forgotten about so many ‘good’ things still existing about you, your life. This leading to a point where you ask yourself: where have I been? What have I done to myself? Why have I allowed this for so long? Why have I missed so much about me and my life that’s actually quite good / okay? But then…you TRY and focus on the ‘good’ / ‘positive’ while still processing the worry / stress of your mind and everyday life; not only that: as you continue ‘walking through life’ with each day bringing NEW and MORE challenges to deal with…you soon enough start realising that ‘remembering the good / okay’ becomes more and more difficult. Eventually,...

The Suppression Virus and an All Systems Meltdown  The video below is an expansion on the following post: My playful “whoops” face lol My laptop crashed recently due to delaying defragging and doing a general system clean up / all round check after my laptop showed some problems here and there. Even though I knew I had to do it sooner…I delayed the process for all sorts of reasons (or shall I rather say excuses) – all of which seemed valid in the moment (as it tends to go with the nature of excuses). So, I faced the consequences of my delays via excuses when my laptop crashed during a pivotal time with a few deadlines that were due.  This opened up an interesting point in relation to delaying important things, for example with the laptop: if I had made the time / created the time and space to get it done sooner I actually would have saved myself much more time. Not only that, but the defragging and general clean up / all round check also has to be done due ...

Missing someone You miss someone who you’ve lost – either due to death / a break-up. You miss someone close to you who’s gone away for a while and you’ve been separated by time and space for longer than you’ve ever been. You may even have moments in a day where you miss a person when you walk by something that reminds them of you – even though you know you’re going to be seeing them at the end of the day. There are various moments and reasons for missing someone – and it is okay. What does compromise you, however – is when you either judge the fact that you’re missing someone and suppressing the experience or adding more emotion into the experience of missing someone, where the moment of ‘missing’ transmutes into an emotional experience of sadness, pain, loss, despair and even escalating into a depression. I have been through both extremes in my life – sometimes judging myself for missing someone, other times allowing the missing to become too emotional and there hav...

THINKING about problems vs CREATING solutions I’ve faced moments within myself where it sometimes felt like “I don’t know what to do” / “I don’t know what decision to make” / “I feel so alone” / “What should I do” / “What am I supposed to do” / “What is the right way” / “What is right or wrong” / “Am I making a mistake”…you know, such ponderings and wandering into the realm of thinking inside myself – always accompanied with emotional experiences of stress, worry, fear, judgment, concern, anxiety etc. I have oftentimes THOUGHT myself into such a state and remained in it for quite some time – like circling inside myself with such thoughts and emotions about what to do or what not to do when it comes to making decisions or facing problems / challenges within myself and my life. Making decisions can be tough - especially when you TRY and make decisions through THINKING too much about them and not only that – but also becoming emotional about them inside yourself. So, I’v...

  Love and Chocolate: The Emotional Pacifier for Women...or Not? To all the ladies (and a ‘lil something for the gentleman): women’s emotions and how we act on them is often the headline of jokes (and sadly discrimination). I’ve found many things in relation to men and women’s varying characteristics are stigmatised / stereotyped through jokes / statements. Obviously, interestingly enough – dependent on who says it and how; most importantly whether you take it personally or not: will determine the experience of yourself in the moment. I myself, as a woman, have been exposed to many such moments, but no matter how it’s said: I don’t take it personally but rather understand the WHY an individual would look at things I do/say in a certain way and sometimes what I can learn from it. So, to the ladies (and gentlemen) when you find you’re being stereotyped / stigmatised for a ‘male’ / ‘female’ characteristic / ‘flaw’ – if you react / take it personally, introspect and see wh...