Moments with Me

...for now, I am FEAR. I’ve been consumed by fear. Fear has become me. Fear attached to everyone and everything that became a part of me, came close with me. I didn’t realise the extent to which fear preoccupied my everyday life thoughts and general experience…showing itself through constant, continuous inner and physical stress, anxiety, nervousness and tension. Until I stepped back and ask myself: who am I within and as the word FEAR? I feared losing money. I feared having nothing. I feared losing my pups. I feared losing where I live. I feared losing everyone I lived with / walked a path with. I feared losing my partner. I feared losing everyone I met in my life…I feared dying sooner than I felt I needed to, I feared leaving this world before I had the chance / opportunity to do and say everything I felt I had to, I needed to. So much fear, all the time, coming up in random moments in my everyday life. Seemingly dispersed in random moments throughout my day, t...

Help! Nervousness ruined my Moment! I have faced moments in my life where (and this especially when it came to asking people something / talking to them about a certain topic / issue) I would become REALLY nervous, anxious and fearful – building up so much emotional energy about it inside myself, that I eventually give up and decide not to ask / speak up. This caused me to suppress many things inside myself, keep my head bowed down, mostly staying out of people’s way and just being / doing how I perceived / interpreted they expected me to be in relation to them. Even though I may observe things and experience things about them and me in relation to them – I would keep quiet and bottle things up inside…All of this lead to much insecurity and inferiority inside of me in relation to people – activating the ‘pleasing character’, waiting for things to happen / unfold in my relationship to others or trying my best to ignore / suppress what I see, observe and experience. Now...