When you THINK you know someone
When you THINK you know someone
I’ve had so many moments in my life where I’d be in a conversation with someone and during the conversation I’d have thoughts come up judging the person in one way or another. Then I’d believe my judgmental thoughts about the person, define the person accordingly and this will determine my experience, words and actions towards them. Only to later realise / discover that my thoughts / judgments towards them were mere interpretations and in no way came CLOSE to who they were in a moment and were in fact the complete opposi. This especially stood out when I had a negative / emotional reaction towards the person and whatever was being discussed.
When you start understanding your thoughts and emotions, you CLEARLY see in such moments how your own reactions towards a person causes you to misinterpret them, because you filter their words / the sound of their voice through your own reactions and so leading to creating assumptions / ideas of the person. This is what I mean with “when you THINK you know someone”: it happens when you listen to and so believe your own thoughts and emotional reactions instead of slowing down and actually listening to the person and looking at what is being discussed.
So, look out for these moments where you can honestly see you’re emotional and thoughts (secret thoughts) come up ABOUT another, essentially judging them in your own mind saying “oh, they’re saying this / that cause they think they’re so right” / “they’re just being spiteful now” / “they’re not considering me” – any and every thought coming up inside you about another person while in a reaction is simply not valid.
I have found this happened to me in moments towards another person where, instead of taking a breath and LOOKING at what they’re saying / sharing – I immediately react inside myself, become emotional and then JUDGE THEM in my mind and make the whole discussion personal towards them. Changing the dynamics of the moment to ‘attacking them’, rather than doing introspection, being self honest and finding out why I was reacting / reactive in the first place. This is another way our minds work to abdicate self responsibility and sabotage self awareness: when we react –we tend to blame / attack others, instead of looking inwards and utilising the moment as an opportunity to understand one’s own programming when it comes to thoughts and reactions.
When you are in an argument with someone and you can see your thoughts and reactions are making the moment personal – where your thoughts are becoming judgmental towards the other person: realise that you’re making assumptions and creating ideas about them, because you are in an emotional reaction and not able to see / hear the words of another clearly. Take a breath, take a step back inside yourself – identify where you went into an emotional reaction, forgive yourself and stabilise yourself as much as possible in the moment. Realise that: if you accept and allow yourself to hold onto these judgments about another you’ve made in reaction inside yourself, it can lead to you creating an assumption / idea about the person and if you believe it and hold onto that beLIEf…can consequentially lead to you basing your entire relationship with that person on such judgments / ideas.
So, take responsibility for your reactions / emotions, remember that emotions veil you from being here, from HEARING – ‘cause as long as you’re in reactions, you’ll only hear your own thoughts in your own mind instead of what is HERE in REALITY in your discussion with another person.
Will continue expanding on this point in my Practical Desteni Blog to assist and support with how to recognise such thoughts and reactions, how to change your thoughts and reactions in the moment to ensure you don’t define your relationship with another person based on judgments you’ve made in reactions inside yourself. This will in turn assist and support with how to work through assumptions / ideas inside yourself and also have the courage to rather ASK and get the facts than accepting and allowing yourself to hold onto ideas / judgments inside yourself.