Love and Chocolate: The Emotional Pacifier for Women...or Not?

 Love and Chocolate: The Emotional Pacifier for Women...or Not?

To all the ladies (and a ‘lil something for the gentleman): women’s emotions and how we act on them is often the headline of jokes (and sadly discrimination). I’ve found many things in relation to men and women’s varying characteristics are stigmatised / stereotyped through jokes / statements. Obviously, interestingly enough – dependent on who says it and how; most importantly whether you take it personally or not: will determine the experience of yourself in the moment. I myself, as a woman, have been exposed to many such moments, but no matter how it’s said: I don’t take it personally but rather understand the WHY an individual would look at things I do/say in a certain way and sometimes what I can learn from it. So, to the ladies (and gentlemen) when you find you’re being stereotyped / stigmatised for a ‘male’ / ‘female’ characteristic / ‘flaw’ – if you react / take it personally, introspect and see what you can learn from it and also rather understand the other person’s mind than making it personal and reacting. If you don’t take it personally and can simply laugh with the moment, recognising something you did / say and simply laugh it off and let it go: great!

I’ve discovered there is a ‘freedom’ within being able to laugh in moments, for example – looking at the emotional component when it comes to women. Sometimes there are moments where we, as women, can be ‘moody’ and we do tend to act out our emotions more – but what’s been of great support actually is when an individual points it out in a genuinely funny / light-hearted way. Now, one could react and take that personally, but instead, with taking a breath, you can self honestly recognise that you’re in a reaction, that it’s affecting you and others and to support yourself to understand what you’re going through, settle down and find a solution for it inside yourself.

So, what I’m looking at here is: for those who are in relationships – lol, to the gentleman: can play with various ways to support your partner in being aware of the emotional state and can make this an agreement between the two of you. For example: if you see your Lady is emotional can make the moment ‘playful’ and hand over a piece of chocolate – you know, kind of saying: “hey, notice you’re emotional – here’s some support for the moment”. Or genuinely for a moment open your arms, embrace her – not necessarily saying “you’re beautiful” as I’ve found personally this to not be directly supportive to the moment, but rather maybe consider something like: “hey, where’d the lady I know go to?” You know, reminding your partner of her grounded / ‘normal’ self in a way in that moment. Where, from here ladies – you can take a breath in the moment, step out of the emotions with the support of your partner and support yourself to find a solution. The same with the ‘chocolate moment’ – not to make giving the chocolate a solution, but just a playful reminder in the moment of “hey, you’re emotional” and to from there support one another to open up the points inside yourself that contributed to the experience and find a solution together. Essentially COMMUNICATING with yourself / sharing with your partner what is going on and to support one another to find a solution rather than you staying in reaction, your partner reacting to your reaction – both taking each other personally and the moment escalates into inner and outer conflict.

So, this is not so much only for the ladies – but also for the gentleman. I would suggest assisting and supporting one another to develop ways in which you cannot take each other’s reactions personally, but rather playfully point it out to one another and then find a moment where you can sit down and discuss / share what’s going on. Because so many couples unnecessarily take each other’s reactions personally, causing unnecessary inner and outer conflict – whereas a moment can be transformed into something so much more substantial for the two of you if you can point out reactions and then communicate to find solutions. In this – get to know yourselves and each other so much better making the relationship so much stronger!